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Revamp, Excerpt 2

As part of my book revamp, I have planned out sharing something new every Saturday for all of you. Today is an other excerpt from a revised chapter. After looking over this particular chapter, I realized while there were some good things, there were also a lot of bad and pretty much boring things in here too. I didn't want to get rid of the chapter completely, since I couldn't figure out how else to incorperate the important info, so I set about revising the bland spots. Here's a portion of that fix (unedited).

Raikidan waved him off and the two of us headed over to Ryoko. Raikidan made his exchange with her and then pulled out a scrap of paper with a bunch of scribbles all over it. Raikidan just stared at it with confusion, perking my interest.

Ryoko glanced at the paper and laughed. "Good luck reading that."

"Let me guess, Zane wrote it?" I said.

Raikidan nodded. "I assumed it'd be legible when Rylan handed it to me so I didn't think to look at it when he handed to me."

"I'm sure we can manage," I said.

"Yeah, and if you have any trouble, let me know and I can help where I can," Ryoko said. "I know what I need for this job anyways. I just need to focus on getting this engine lowered in before I give you a hand."

Raikidan nodded and then led the way to the back of the shop where we stored all the ordered in parts. We grabbed the largest parts first and brought them over to Ryoko who was now being assisted by Rylan and then went to work on the parts that needed a ladder to get. Well, Raikidan needed a ladder. I was too stubborn to use one and just climbed up and down the shelves.

"You really should use a ladder," Raikidan said as I made my fifth trip up. "You can carry more and it's less dangerous."

"I'm fine," I said as I reached for a few tools.

"Eira, really. You should—"

"Rai, stop wor—" I gasped when my foot slipped but I caught myself and sighed quietly before going back to my job.

Raikidan sighed with aggravation. "See, you need to be more careful! You could have fallen."

I snorted as I grabbed the last tool I needed and began climbing down. "I'm far more skilled than that."

When I was only a few feet off the ground I decided to jump down to save time. I turned and let go of the metal shelves only to run into Raikidan as I landed. My heart stopped as he caught me and rested his hands on my back. The shop seemed to disappear as we stared at each other and the longer we remained this way the more I noticed that strange feeling trying to surface in my body again.

Then suddenly, my senses came back to me and I snapped myself out of the bizarre trance. I pushed Raikidan away. "You need to watch where you stand. I could have landed on you."

"Yeah, sure," he said slowly.

I shook my head and headed for Ryoko and Rylan's location only to nearly run into her as we both decided to round the corner.

"Oops, sorry," she apologized.

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it. No harm done. Whatcha need, these tools?"

She shook her head. "No, I was going to come grab Raikidan so I could have some help fetching lunch."

"Oh, well he's all yours," I said as I passed her.

"C'mon, Rai, let's go," she said.

"Whoa, wha—"

I placed down the tools on the work bench and watched as Ryoko dragged Raikidan out of the shop by the wrist. He started laughing when she didn't let up even after asking her to and a strange feeling bubbled in my chest. It was different than the one I had felt moments ago. It was fairly negative and a bit possessive, and I had felt it before but a long, long time ago. Jealousy? That didn't make sense. I couldn't possibly see a reason for that emotion to surface.

#revamp #bookrelated #updates #editing #excerpt

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